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How to set goals that feed the spirit

Episode 50 Transcript

Arivee Vargas:

[00:00:00] Hi, I'm Arivee Vargas. I believe we're all so powerful beyond our wildest imaginations we have the ability to overcome the fears, self-doubt, negative beliefs, and all the other roadblocks that hold us back from having the life and career we really want and deserve that's why I created the Humble Rising Podcast.

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[00:00:30] I want to help you get clear on what a joyful and fulfilling life and career looks like for you and how do you go after it with all you have. Each week we'll talk to some badass inspirational women sharing their journeys. We'll dig into their successes, their failures, challenges, the different shifts in their careers and personal lives and so much more. Be inspired, get motivated, and get ready to rise. This is the Humble Rising Podcast.

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[00:01:10] Ok, this episode 50 of the Humble Rising Podcast. I'm so excited you're here with me if you want my reflections from the podcast so far and my key learnings over the past year and doing it. And if you want to get reacquainted with the whole reason I started the podcast in the first place, I'd love for you to check out that episode where I talk all all about that I'm pretty sure that's episode 47.

[00:01:56] Today though, I want to talk about vision and goal setting and how we do it in a way that is not overwhelming. So, to be clear I'm talking about personal vision and goal setting when it comes to your personal life or your personal career development. Right? So, let's start by level setting on the definitions of the vision and the definition of a goal in the context of what I'm going to walk you through today. Okay.

[00:02:27] So, a vision of something aspirational, it’s aspirational, it's a picture in your mind that is a reflection of how you imagine your life will be in a certain period of time and how you will be feeling in your life at that time. So, if you think of visualization exercises. Right? Where you close your eyes and sometimes you can, you can even do this on YouTube. They’re people that guide you into visualization and vision exercises where you close your eyes, and that person guides you and takes you into the future. 5 years, 10, 20 years and they're guiding you towards imagining what's your life looks like at that future point. Right? That’s an example of a vision. Like you he would leave that the end product of you leaving that visualization exercise is a vision of what your life could look like at that time like in 10 years 20 or more years, right? I've done a visualization exercise where the person guiding us had us thinking at our death bed. I had one where I was thinking of when I was 60 years old. Right. There’s so many different ones to do and I would love doing them because you see common themes when you do them. Like you will really see what truly matters to you at that point and and you can often change things that you're doing now to align with those truths that are covered when you do these these exercises.

[00:04:04] We're not going to go that far in the future today though. Because I literally can hear some of you in my ear saying umm... even five years like I don't know what I want. I don't even know what one year from now looks like and so again because I really want to keep this simple as simple as possible. I got you. I hear you. We're not going to do anything beyond 1-year. Okay. In this conversation, in this episode okay. So that's what I mean when I say vision. When I talk about a goal, what's a goal? So, I'm going to leverage the smart goal framework here because I think it is clear and it is concise and that's what we need right? We need to clear, and we need it concise. A goal is something very specific that you want to achieve within a certain period of time. It's attainable, it's a realistic, and it's measurable. Now measurable here doesn't mean you need a bunch of quantitative data to support that you’re making progress on a personal goal. Right? Measurable can be simplified. So measurable could mean that you had rated your career a f5 out of add a 10 today. 10 meaning amazing, awesome, optimal. Zero meaning awful, dreading it, can’t stand it, can't stand my job, that. Right? So maybe you've rated your career a 5 today so your kind of in the middle, right? Maybe you rated your career 5 today, but maybe in 2 months you go through that self-assessment exercise again and it’s a 7. So, it's closer to a 10, that is measurable progress.

[00:05:45] You have measured where you are today, and you can measure where you're at in the future and there is a difference between the two. And you can see progress, right? And if you're unsure what I mean by ratings and I mentioned self-assessment and you’re asking yourself what is she talking about? Check out episode 49 where we delve into self assessments of the different arenas of your life. So definitely check that out if you're curious about that. But now that we have some of the same language for, what vision is and what a goal is. I want to talk about how we can use them. Where to create change in our lives. Look, I don't think you can have goals without vision. Now not everyone is going to agree with me on that and that's totally cool, but this is why I don't think you can have goals without vision.

[00:06:39] I say almost every person, not just women, but people. I think most people I speak with want 4 things in life. Peace, freedom, joy, fulfillment. Right? The mom who works inside the home, she wants that. The mom that works outside the home, she wants that too. Your partner wants that. Your significant other wants that. The 40-year-old, the 50-year-old, single female executive wants that. Ok. Healing peace is not a goal. I know you're gasping right now. What? Hear me out. Healing peace is not a goal because it isn't specific enough in terms of your everyday life. And unless you are an enlightened being in which case you should really be listening to this podcast because I’m keeping it 100. I should be listening to your podcast. Right? But unless you are an enlightened being you don’t check off boxes for peace, freedom, joy fulfillment. Because you evolve over time. And as you evolve and you grow and you learn and you move through life how you define what peace, and freedom, joy, and fulfillment looks like for you and your family can change over time too. It morphs because they aren't boxes you can check; they're not goals you can “achieve” where you check them off and they're done. Right? Those are all human experiences. That feeling of peace that sense of peace deep inside of your freedom, freedom to choose what you do the flexibility with freedom. Freedom to not worry things. Joys and fulfillment, those are all human experiences. And I'd say love which I consider, and you you all know this already, but love I really do consider that the bedrock of all four of these by the way. It's a human experience. It literally defines us as humans, whether you first look to your higher power, the universe, God, whatever you look too. And then you know family, partner, friends, community and everything you surround yourself with it feed your spirit. That’s love to me. But we don't check off the love box like yup I checked the love box, I'm done with love. Like I got that, yep, great. You see what I mean here like these profound deep human emotions and emotional states, and mental states, and spiritual states that we want to really aspire to are part of your evolution as a human and that's why they can't be checked off. Cuz you’re never done in your evolution, right?

[00:09:17] But goals but goals can I hear it for the goals? (sings) Cuz they can be checked as complete. It's beautiful right? I know I sing a lot. I'm not a singer I'm more like a casual singer when I have the urge to sing cuz I’m excited. (laughs) But goals can be checked off as complete. And if you are like me and you create these boxes to these one-line goals. You feel so good when you can put a checkmark inside of that box and here, I see you and I'm with you. Okay? But to be a goal by definition it has to be something very specific that you can achieve in a limited period of time that’s measurable. Okay?

[00:10:03] So let me walk you through vision and goal setting because we already have our definitions. We have the general framework. Let me now walk you through how we actually do vision and goal setting. Okay. So, there is one question for vision, one question for vision. I want you to find some quiet space, look if you have to do this in your car because you have kids running around go do it. Or maybe you know if you're listening to this in the car and you've already parked in a parking spot, but you now stay in your car a little longer to give yourself this time I find the car is very peaceful when you're alone in the car. I don’t know if anyone agrees with me, but I find it to be quite quiet and peaceful so if you're in a quiet space with no distractions that includes in your car. Although please you're parked, you're parked, you are parked you are not driving. Okay? So, you're in a quiet space no distraction, close your eyes and ask yourself this one question: The best day ever in one year, what does it look like? And how do I feel throughout my day about my life and what I'm doing. Okay. I totally snuck in 2 questions there but I'm still going to call it one question. So, I’ll say it again, if I were to imagine the best day ever in one year what does it look like and how do I feel throughout the day about my life and what I'm doing? I want you to walk yourself through your entire day from when you wake up to when you go to sleep.

[00:11:46] And you're going to use all of your senses, the sense of smell, the sense of sight the sense of touch, everything to make it real to you. Right. So what are you smelling, what are you seeing, what are you touching, whose talking to you, who are you talking to, what are you doing, who are you interacting with, who are you showing up as, are you showing up as that patient, calm person that you want to be, are you well rested, are you giving yourself time for a quiet moment, like what is happening in your day and how are you feeling about that day? Again, this is the best day ever in one year. Are you working on an exciting project, are you working with an awesome team at work, are you feeling challenged, do you feel alive, do you still like lit up inside, what does that look like in this day though? Like how do I know or how would you know that you feel alive, you feel excited, like what are you doing that is showing you that you feel that excitement? Okay.

[00:12:44] I want you to use your imagination and paint me a picture of what you're experiencing and feeling. Again, it's the best day in one year so one year from now what is your best day look like. So now you grab an app on your phone, tap that app or if you're listening in a place where you have a pen and paper and you want to do it this way. I want you to write down your vision for that one day the one best day in your life. Okay. So, I'll give you an example, one thing that has come up for me when I do these vision exercises is a profound sense of freedom and inner peace and for me that means I'm patient and kind to myself in particular. Not reactive with myself, I feel at ease, I feel at ease like about myself and my day and this shouldn’t surprise you because remember that my word for 2022 ease. How can I make this easier? How can I feel more at ease? How can I make this easy? So, the fact that this comes up in my vision often makes sense because I see it throughout my life another way. Right. I'm working towards this. And the picture in my mind when I do this visualization exercise when I have this vision the picture in my mind that always comes up is me meditating. On a mat with candles around me in dim light and being fully present in that moment. I can smell the candles burning and I can't hear anything but my breathe. So, hear my breathe going in and out. I'm like cool as a cucumber and calm when I do this vision exercise that is what I often think of.

[00:14:35] Now my current day self is like, “oh, please! Give me a break. Candles everywhere like are you serious, essence, like no. Give me a break not realistic. OH! You have to resist that, you must resist. The natural, the human urge, the natural human urge to resist when you think cannot be achieved. Or to resist what you think you cannot experience like it is totally human nature to resist that, to resist even thinking about it as possible, but I need you to step into that and possibility and just give yourself the space to see it. Sure, maybe I won't have this dedicated Nook for my mat and my candles and maybe I won't have my twenty candles that I envision in my vision. Maybe not, but maybe I’ll have one, maybe I’ll have 2. Right. Does it really matter. No, but what matters it that you’re creating a vision for yourself.

[00:15:29] You're imagining and you're feeling the sensation you're feeling what it would feel like. That's what you have to access. That’s the Power of this exercise you know, we don’t often giver ourselves the rope to do this every day. This is your opportunity; this is your chance to do that. Okay? So that is the vision part. That is part 1.

[00:15:49] What's your vision? Okay. Now you’re going to set one goal. Look, I want to keep this simple again you're going to set one goal for the next 30 days. It is one goal to get you closer to that Vision we don't want to be confused and overwhelmed here overwhelm causes you to bow out. Our brains do not like overwhelmed, they do not like confusion, they don't want five goals, or 4 years, or here’s 3 goals over 1 week. No… no, no, no, no. We're setting one goal 30 days. And I know that I can sound like a broken record when I say this but I'm going to keep saying it until we all do it. It is the small change over time, done most of the time that delivers massive results for you. That can change how you feel in your body. Right. This is why we're taking one goal for the next 30 days. Okay?

[00:16:46] So what is one thing that is specific, realistic, right? It’s achievable next month, 30 days, one month. If it’s 31 days it doesn't matter, one month. What is one thing that is specific, realistic so that you can achieve in the next month. What is it that gets you closer to that vision? Then I want you to ask yourself why is this so important that I achieve this goal? Why is it so important that I do this one thing 30 days? And then I want you to take that a step further and ask yourself what is it going to cost me if I don't achieve it? Or work towards achieving it? Or what is it going to cost me if I don't get it done? Or if I’m not working towards getting it done? So let me give you an example of how to apply this framework. So, if I envision myself with that deep sense of inner peace, and calmness, and ease, in that best day in a year and that part of what I see in that Best Day Ever is me meditating, but umm I don't meditate right now. Like I do not meditate right now. That’s actually the truth, I don't. But I do want to and it's important because I'm consistently sitting in my vision, so it's something that I want to chance now. I'm in a season of life where I feel like I actually have to. For myself and my well-being. So, what I’m going to do, this is truth actually, I'm actually doing this for the next 30 days. So, if you want to join me, please do and can message me about how it's going we can keep each other accountable, but I am going to set the most simple goal I can so I have the best chance to achieve my goal given my current reality in my season of life.

[00:18:32] So I'm not going to say “okay I want to start meditating for the next 30 days so I'm going to do 10 minutes starting tomorrow at 6 a.m.” 10 minutes every single day so I'm going to wake up at 6 a.m. I do not wake up at 6 a.m. Okay. And that's not the time I wake up I go to bed very late I don't get up at 6 a.m. So that doesn't work for my life right now for so many reasons. Okay. It doesn't work with my current reality, so what can I do though? What could be achievable for me? What could be reasonable for me? What could I do? What is possible for me in realistic, in terms of where I'm at today. Okay. I could, if I think about that right I can totally commit to 5 minutes 3 times a week for the next 30 days. Again, it's not 7 days a week. I’m not saying 10 minutes a day. I'm saying 5 minutes, 3 times a week for 30 days. Because I'm trying to keep this really achievable. Because if my goal is too big my brain is going to be like eh no. No, no not happening and I'm never going to get there. I may not even start it.

[00:19:45] My brain is already too overwhelmed with how big that isn't what a big change would be and again it's the small changes over time. Done most of the time that can bring about the most massive results. And hey maybe if I below that, 5 minutes 3 times a week go out of the water that's awesome that's great that's amazing. But I'm not going to rely on that. I'm starting small, with small steps that I can do within my current reality. Okay. So, I’m doing 3 times a week, 5 minutes each. If you want to join me on that again message me and we will keep each other accountable. Okay. If I do that. Right. If I do times 3 times a week 5 minutes each for 30 days. I’ll know if I hit that goal or not. Cuz that's what I measure myself against. And then if I think about that second question right of why is it so important to me to meditate for 5 minutes 3 times a week. You know, for me again, it's because I want to feel inner peace. I need to rejuvenate each day, take care of myself, take care of myself, it’s so important for you all to take care of yourselves.

[00:20:55] I know again I say this so many times, but I need to hear the reminder too. We take care of so many other people and we give in ourselves, and we serve so much, and we do that from a place of love and of connection and wanting to contribute and that’s so honorable. And that’s so admirable, but we also forget we do that expensive of ourselves and we don’t even recognize it and it’s really hard. It’s really hard to say no to something or someone else that you truly care for and that you truly care about because you're trying to say yes to yourself. So, I know for me and again think about this for yourself, for me I want to feel that inner peace, I need to feel rejuvenated, re-energized because I need to take care of my well-being, and my spiritual being, and my emotional well-being, my mental well-being. It's important for me to be the parent I want to be, the coach I want to be, the professional I want to be, the person I want to be. By feeling at ease with myself. Being kinder to myself, being patient with myself and others. Right. And I believe and I know in my gut that mindfulness will help me get there. And we know all the research on mindfulness it’s out there you can Google it, but please go to a reputable source. And I know if I don't do this right to that third question. State if I, if I don’t achieve this goal or I don’t work towards achieving it. If I don't do it, I won't be any closer to that emotional state and peace that I'd like to feel more of. Right, I know I can check that box, but I know I can feel more of it and closer to it and I know I'm not as close as I would like to be right now and it's so important to me that doing nothing is not an option. So, even if I do something that's better than nothing and I'm way closer to how I want to feel then I was yesterday. Right.

[00:22:50] So let's recap So, first you're going to take 10 minutes to write down your vision again your vision is you painting a picture of your best day in one year. You take 10 minutes to do it you can take more time if you want. Hint: it sometimes takes longer, but give yourself 10 minutes, ok. 10 minutes is great. Give yourself 10. The second thing is you're going to ask yourself what one goal over the next 30 days is that you can set to get you closer to that vision. Right. It is one asset of that vision, one goal over the next 30 days to get you closer to that vision. Write down that goal and write down why it's important that you achieve it and what's at stake if you don't.

[00:23:31] Now there are of course other questions are on goal setting that we can ask and there are so many ways to really get underneath the real reason something is important to you and how to bridge the gap from where you are to where you see yourself, and how you see yourself feeling, and how you see yourself experiencing life and career and being a parent and all of those things. So, to dig deeper into this with me you really do need to join me in my group coaching program. It's called It's Your Move Loop coaching program and the title is totally intentional totally intentional because I believe it is your move you are powerful not a crate what you want for yourself and your personal and your professional life. And I believe you deserve to give yourself that gift in this season of your life in this current reality of your life. Not when something changes but now. So, we're going to get you in this program to a place of clarity. To a place where you're feeling confident in where you’re headed. When it comes to that crossroad that you are in. Right into a place where you're taking action and you’re moving past the overthinking, you're moving past the overanalyzing, you're taking action and taking the steps to get from where you are now to what you, what you are saying you want next for yourself and what you need most. Alright. Cuz, I want you to get that clarity and confidence to changing to what you need to move forward. I want that for you and this program is 8 weeks where I coach you in a very small group. You'll get access to me through an online course that you can move for your own pace because let's be honest life happens things change you can’t always do something online that you need to do for your personal well-being. And so, we're counting for that cuz that's important the course doesn't just drop on you and your expected to do everything in one day. No, it's paced you go through it at your own pace and then you have group coaching sessions almost every week and then you also got a private one-on-one session with me too.

[00:25:37] So, the registration for the program is going to open soon and if you want to be the first to know when it opens you would have to join my email list that is specifically for this program so if you’re on my general email list that’s not going to get you into this list that allows you to see and know when registration opens. And you can join the list for this program by clicking the link in the show notes you can find all of that if you scroll down below this episode. OK. Until next time. You know what I'm going to say because I always say it but I am here as your reminder that you're and that you're powerful now and you’re powerful now to create the life and career that you want and the life and career that you deserve and taking action is the fastest way to truly believe in that. That's how you’ll truly feel it in your bones that's how you truly will feel it in your body that's how it will go from general knowledge and awareness to actually transform in your life I'm telling you you're powerful now to make that transformation happen

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