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What is the real deal we make with our partners when we have kids?

Do we ever negotiate that one will be the primary caregiver even when they are also pursuing their career outside the home?

For some, there is a negotiation and an agreement on how the family will run and why. And there can be a renegotiation (implied or expressed) over the years.

For many, there is none of that.

We fall into these patterns of caregiving and we fall into roles we keep until our bodies and minds can’t keep up anymore. Literally.

Some of us cannot stand to lose control and let our partners figure out how to do things with and for our kids.

And some of us would gladly relinquish all the control if only partners would step up and meet the challenge.

It’s not “extra work” to take care of your kids especially when it’s “inconvenient”; it’s THE work as a parent.

I don’t believe a partner can step up if they do not fundamentally understand that.

If they do, I believe you can both negotiate and find what works for your family, and you can both have your work, your kids, your marriage/partnership and your happiness.


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